wife suddenly indifferent, hateful

wife suddenly indifferent, hateful

Postby hatedhusband11 » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:21 pm

Married over 20 years, no infidelity, 3 great kids, normal issues. Money has been a problem throughout our marriage ( not huge but a source of conflict)- I want more structure, budget, etc she does not. Every 3 or 4 months I bring it up and its a problem. I end up ignoring it and hope it goes away. Well recently I brought it up a few times over a few weeks and she was really upset. She shut down, she s normally very affectionate, sex life is good but her mood has totally changed. I apologized immensely but she broke down and said she's never felt this way before that she has a block and doesn't understand her feelings towards me. I've talked and talked to her telling her i'd do anything for her, gone overboard with flowers, cards, etc but no change. She now picks at things I did before, things we had talked about before and resolved. I almost think she's menopausal and her hormones are out of whack and she's taking it out n me. It's been going on for about a month and its getting really tough to be around her. She says she needs time but I feel like I've gone from being a good husband to the anti -Christ. She can't even hug me or say she loves me, never been like this in over 22 years. I really don't know what the hell to do.
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Re: wife suddenly indifferent, hateful

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:03 pm

Apparently your budget proposal set some unpleasant dynamics into play.

Maybe you could come up with a better budget proposal. What did you propose? How did you present it? How can the budget proposal be modified to be more palatable to your wife? How can you imporove your presentation style? It may be wise to avoid discussing your budget proposal again, til you have a more calm situation in the home.

My wife has a short attention span. I need to encapsulat my prop[osals into short phrases. What are some shor phrases to express your budget ideas, sequentially?

You merntion that you have been talking to your wife, about how she should change. There are two chapters in the Secrets of Happly Married Men's book about listening, to get a woman to vent. There is a thread in this communication section, entitled LISTENING STRATEGIES FOR MEN. The idea is to listen to your wife for at least 15 minutes per day, without expressing your ideas, or your requests. Get your wife to trust you, that she can vent to you.

It is not pleasant to listen to your wife say hateful things to you. But, that is EXCELLENT venting skills. I spent 45 Minutes today, listenting to my wife explain to me how my ideas on religion are all wrong. Unpleasant, foer me, but Excellent venting, for her.


You are actually doing well, in your marriage, but this is just a less pleasant phase. Your wife may be attacking you to negotiate a better share in your budget plan. Your budget is important, so just hang in there.

//
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Re: wife suddenly indifferent, hateful

Postby Elvio » Wed Feb 19, 2014 5:11 pm

I,m going through the same thing with my wife. She had me arrested a couple of day,s ago for something I didn,t. or would ever do to her. She had me arrested years ago with a similar charge, only to say in court " that,s what I thought he said". I had to be dragged through the courts on a charge that someone who has the many symptoms of serious bipolar disorder levels. The police won,t even take the time to investigate the alleged incident or her bipolar condition. I,m here waiting for a court date to defend myself against a offense I didn,t commit. I can,t take this anymore and I am presently awaiting a divorce. It,s too bad people who exhibit bipolar tendencies won,t go for help.
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Re: wife suddenly indifferent, hateful

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:28 pm

To Elvio,

I am sorry for your difficulties.

Unfortunately, there are a few spouses who will make up false charges, and who will be convincing enough to cause problems with the police, and the courts.

You do not mention attorneys and expert witnesses. You might ask your attorney about the expenses for expert witnesses. What types of expert witnesses might be helpful in court? Are there any neighbors or relatives who can testify about the issues in your case? Lining up experts, and getting interview appointments, takes time. Even if you are sure you wife will not see an expert counselor, her refusal to see an expert counselor,may be a helpful fact in your case.

Are there any types of protective orders that might be helpful to avoid your spouse from filing more false charges in the future? How much would these orders cost?

Are there any spousal abuse agencies in your jurisdiction, which might provide assistance to you, at reduced rates? It would seem that bearing false witness to create a false arrest, is a type of spousal abuse.

Part of mental illness, bipolar included, is the resistance to accept counseling or prescription trials.

What types of counseling have you suggested, and have you interviewed any therapists for her?

Have you offered to go together with her, for a trial appointment?

Helping your wife talk things out may be helpful. There is a thread under Communications titled "Listening Strategies for Men"

What suggestions have been made by attorneys? Criminal attorneys and Domestic Relations Attorneys may have different perspectives on problem solving for you.

Mental Health coverage is supposed to be an objective the ACA, Affordable Care Act.

//
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