My wife has stopped communicating and needs her space

My wife has stopped communicating and needs her space

Postby mtnmann71 » Sun Mar 24, 2013 11:54 am

My wife of almost 7 wonderful years has now decided that she needs time to think through the last 7 yrs, and she wont discuss it anything further. I work away from the home 2 weeks on/2 weeks off. Currently I am at work. While at home last time we had an arguement that lasted 4 days 1st time for that. In 7 years we have not had any cross words nor in this arguement. We were able to somewhat pactch things up so I could return to work as I work in a high stress job in the oilfield. At that time she wanted to continue to be married and work through the hard times and that she loved me. Days prior she didnt know if she wanted to be married. We are involved in our local christian based church and both are saved and know God and continue to attend the marriage classes they offer. Now that I am back at work I have noticed that she is disstant, doesnt say I love you at the end of the conversation ands just plain has very little to say. I told her that I new something continued to be wrong and finally got her to write an e-mail and she explained that she loved me and that she needed time to think through the last 7 years, and that she will refrain from discussing anything further and she needs time to process. Sheshe will not talk about it anymore as she doesnt want to say anything that will hurt her or I. I can cantinue to e-mail and call but her responses will not be what I am seeking. I e-mailed last night explaining what this I think is doing to me and what I see, but that went no where.
We have 1 daughter(16) from my wifes previous relationship over 10 years ago. I am 42 she is 37. I understand from past posts that I need to give her space, but holy smokes is my wife for real to do this while im at a high stress, dangerous, long hour job, 800 miles from home. So I will give her space no calls or e-mails as it hurts to the point of almost me crying while this is going, so I need not let my workers see me like this as I am insomewhat of a manager position. I told her last night I would try to get a flight home for 24 hours but she said I didint really need to do that as it would make things worse. I honestl;y dont think there is anyone else or that she is taking me to the cleaners so to speak, but those questions are starting to crownd my mind and judgtement.
I make good money, she doesnt have to work but does part time in the winter, While at home on my 2 weeks off we go on dates, hold hands, snuggle on the couch, I clean house, cook dinner, repairs around the house, hunt and fish to fill our freezer. Lately 6-9 months our sex has some to a point of next to nothing. I do have 1 major downfall, I like to drink, I can do with out, and only drink 3-4 times while home for 14 days. When we got in our fight it because I drank on my birthday at home, I got pretty wasted. Not a mean drunk by any means but a happy 1. The next morning she said that was it and our 4 day arguement started.

Can someone please help me out with this as I am at loss and feel if I dont get this fixed well................................
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Re: My wife has stopped communicating and needs her space

Postby ThunderHorse » Tue Mar 26, 2013 1:35 am

A Problem with arguing is that you may say insensitve things. If you have a point to make, find a quiet time to present your ideas, in a pleasant manner.

A problem with drinking, is that many people become less sensitive. Can you start drinking later in the day? How can you better manage your drinking?

You do not mention encouraging your wife to vent 15 minutes per day. see the thread LISTENING STRATEGIES FOR MEN, under the Communications section. It will take several weeks to develop good listening skills, to encourage her to vent. What do you argue about? What part of the arguing could you stop contributing to?

Congratualtions on having a good paying job.

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