My Happiness comes at the expense of her sadness...
Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 10:33 am
My wife and I are in our late 30s, we have a amazing 3yo son, and we have been together for 16 years (8 of those married). We both met in college and had almost no other relationships except our own.
We are healthcare professionals and have somewhat aggressive personalities which one might say has been a positive and negative trait in our lives. Financially, while we are not rich, I feel we make a sufficient amount of money and don't need to think too much about money.
The reason why I say my aggressive personality has been negative is because for me, I feel like nothing is ever enough... The constant strive to make more money, be happier, live fuller has been an ongoing effort. My life, while I consider it balanced, it high-strung.
What makes me happy? Having a happy and stress-free home to go to at the end of my day. Making sure that the ones I love are happy themselves and will be taken care of when I am gone. Providing for my home. Seeing my son smile. But what else makes me happy? occasional alcohol consumption (2-3 nights per week), occasional recreational drugs (once per week), city nightlife living (2 nights per week), having flirtatious endeavors, and just losing control sometimes all seem to have served me well.
Our life has been what I describe as very full and exciting to say the least. We both try to find a nice balance between spending time together, with our child, and by ourselves.
Recently, my wife conveyed to me that she felt I was very controlling and selfish. To make a very long story short, she feels many of the things which makes me happy come at the expense of her sadness. It is for this reason that our marriage seems hopeless sometimes... Yes, I am aware that a marriage, unlike what people believe, requires effort and sacrifice... But how much effort? how much sacrifice? on who's part?
Should I sacrifice my own happiness for her happiness? or hers for mines? how much is enough?
I feel like, if I give up too much of myself, I will go through life feeling like all I did was make others happy.... is that anyway to live?
We are healthcare professionals and have somewhat aggressive personalities which one might say has been a positive and negative trait in our lives. Financially, while we are not rich, I feel we make a sufficient amount of money and don't need to think too much about money.
The reason why I say my aggressive personality has been negative is because for me, I feel like nothing is ever enough... The constant strive to make more money, be happier, live fuller has been an ongoing effort. My life, while I consider it balanced, it high-strung.
What makes me happy? Having a happy and stress-free home to go to at the end of my day. Making sure that the ones I love are happy themselves and will be taken care of when I am gone. Providing for my home. Seeing my son smile. But what else makes me happy? occasional alcohol consumption (2-3 nights per week), occasional recreational drugs (once per week), city nightlife living (2 nights per week), having flirtatious endeavors, and just losing control sometimes all seem to have served me well.
Our life has been what I describe as very full and exciting to say the least. We both try to find a nice balance between spending time together, with our child, and by ourselves.
Recently, my wife conveyed to me that she felt I was very controlling and selfish. To make a very long story short, she feels many of the things which makes me happy come at the expense of her sadness. It is for this reason that our marriage seems hopeless sometimes... Yes, I am aware that a marriage, unlike what people believe, requires effort and sacrifice... But how much effort? how much sacrifice? on who's part?
Should I sacrifice my own happiness for her happiness? or hers for mines? how much is enough?
I feel like, if I give up too much of myself, I will go through life feeling like all I did was make others happy.... is that anyway to live?