Communication about having a baby

Communication about having a baby

Postby fairness » Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:35 pm

My wife has begun invitrio fertilization. She is doing it for me because she already has two children from a previous marriage. However, right now we have run into some complications with the procedure and she is in the hospital. My emotions feel frozen. The only thing I feel like doing is finding a solution to making her feel better. She seems angry because she said I haven't told her that I was sorry for all the pain she is in from the procedure, especially since it was my idea. How can I stop from feeling so frozen with my emotions. I wanted a baby so bad and this was the only way to do it.
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Postby AbagayleLee » Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:20 am

You are sounding incredibly selfish right now. You wife is going through physical pain (to meet your wishes), which you acknowledge but you seem to be completely oblivious to her emotional torment. Invitro is so hard on a woman emotionally. It's expensive, embarrassing, and uncomfortable. Imagine the enormous pressure she feels for this procedure to be successful and this stress makes getting pregnant that much more difficult.

She is doing what you want while also being a wife and a mother to the children she already has and you complain of YOUR emotions?

You need to forget your emotions and be there for your wife. You need to console her, hold her, tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Pretend that your emotions are not frozen and fake it until you really feel it.
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Re: Communication about having a baby

Postby candle » Tue Nov 22, 2011 7:35 am

David Johnson 
Nov 20, 2011
Dr. Scott extra credit

I think your wife is not having a problem with going through the procedure

to give you both a chance at a child, but the lack of emotional support.

Many people shut down emotionally. I myself do at times because of fear of

being misunderstood by those I care about. My stress level increases

and I walk away because I feel threatened. Its a defense mechanism.

This is stinkin’ thinkin’. Maybe reading a book on strengthening your

communication skills might help. I find that speaking to each other with

non-threatening words is a powerful tool. Example of this you might say,

I feel, instead of, you make me feel like... What I am saying is consider one

another in your conversation, work on building trust, help each other to feel

safe, validate each other, the walls will come down.

Take time to talk about what your mate has just expressed before jumping

in with your own feelings, but please jump in. Express your emotions in a

healthy way.
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