My wife is hyper critical, please help!

[ThunderHorse]

To Sean on thread MY WIFE'S SEX DILEMMA, under Intimacy

You do not mention mastering the Boring Baroque response.

I let my wife say the prayers, as part of my allowing her to vent.

Your explaining a more optimistic point of view, or pointing out where some people she is criticizing, have been accommodating to her, is a reward for her being illogical.

Reasoning with a person's irrationality is logical, but it also counter-productive.

Blithering, complimentary small talk is needed to avoid unintentionally rewarding overly critical remarks. Compliments sprinkled in are helpful. What the overly-critical person is actually looking for is compliments for an Ego-Boost.

Ideas for a Boring Baroque response, Blithering, Complimentary, Mumbling, Sing-Song, Gibberish, Platitudes for demands for prayers of protections from Demons.

"You understand the power of prayer for protecting our house from Demons, and you are good at praying for protection from Demons. It is important that we spend some time together in pray for protection from Demons. I appreciate your wisdom in your praying for protection of our house from Demons. I feel empowered when I am by your side as you pray for out household. Your prayers to protect the household seem to help us have a more successful life. Protecting our children is one of our top goals, so your prayers for protection are invaluable in achieving our goals. You understanding of the spiritual world contributes to our well being as a family."


Arguing with a person who is getting attention by being overly-critical, is a reward for the overly critical person, and unfortunately serves to perpetuate the overly-critical behavior.

[casper]

thunderhorse

you told me in my last post to not compliment her. So I did that and now i'm cold hearted. the latest is i'm going to work at my cushy job while she stays home with the kids. I work in a factory and i take the kids on the weekends, while she shops. I have no troubles with them and infact encourge her to go out because i can get everything done(house work) plus watch football or hockey. This constintant nagging is killing me, her way or the highway.
I tried doing what I wanted yesterday and she nagged me about how selfish I am. I came home hugged the kids put my stuff away, bathroom, change clothes, take care of cat and dog, feed and put outside. Then took over watching the kids, she wanted me to just come in and take over because she's had them all day. So I checked last time she posted in Facebook and what web site she surfed, she must have just sat down with the kids as i pulled into the driveway. lying right to me for no reason. I called her out and she accused me of spying, spying on what I asked. You got caught own up and appologized and we'll be done but noo she turns it around on me. So with the kids i cooked dinner, gave both a bath, handed them back to their mother by 8:30pm and then did dishes and picked up toys.Then i got all the tax info together. cannot figure whta she does all day except think of ways to tick me off.
i can feel the hatred of me as soon as i walk into the house. She has to kick me out with the cops for legal reasons.If I leave it's abondonment, I also pay for the house so who is she to kick me out. The only thing i have not done is had a full blow out with her. I just do not want my kids to hear it....

[ThunderHorse]

Dear Casper,

Your first post was on Page 3 of a thread "My Wife HATES Me" under Making my Souse Happy.

Apparently I was not clear in my writing, because it was my intent to suggest giving your wife more compliments.

It seems that both you and your wife are criticizing each other.

Is there some way you can practice the Boring Baroque Response, when your wife criticizes you?

What can you wait to ask for from your wife, and what issues seen to need urgent attention from your wife?

[ThunderHorse]

A family means being careful with criticism. The family is to give support, celebration and concern for family members. But criticism is hurtful, and contrary to the supportive goals of the family, so criticism should be done in a considerate manner. Some criticism is important for supporting self-improvement for family members, but should still be done without unnecessary hurt.