Im a marine in afghanistan my wife is at home

Im a marine in afghanistan my wife is at home

Postby kevin.0300 » Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:10 am

communication is rough thinking shes not excited to hear from me and when i ask shes puzzled why i would even ask that. i only have a phone to call the us from and sometimes its hey baby and others its like hi ...then i assume shes mad or not happy to hear from me. i dont know
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Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:02 am

Wife at home

Postby Happinessoneday » Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:21 am

Do you and your wife have children? If so, is she a stay-at-home mom or does she work full or part-time? What sort of day-to-day responsibilities does she have?

What you are hearing when you telephone her could have to do with many things. It is possible that you are catching her at bad time. Unfortunately, many of us aren't able to switch gears fast enough to sound happy to hear from our loved one when we are in the midst of a hectic day at home. It's tough for both of you I'm sure. Is there any way that the two of you can decide on "good" times to place a telephone call? I'm sure that may be difficult considering your location, but it's worth a try if it will make you feel better about the telephone calls.
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I Need These Calls...

Postby IAmTheThinkingWoman » Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:56 pm

When you call your woman, take note of what you are needing from her. If possible-write it down briefly. Then ask yourself what she will be needing from you...also make a couple brief notes. Then start your call with what you will offer to her to meet her needs. When she gets that you are there with her in those mundane daily things like whats happening with the kids, or her job, or her other relationships with friends & family, she will open up to you about them.
You will fill this need of hers - for you to be there for her, be part of her life.
Good listening skills.
You can then ask for what you need. Re-assurance, love, connection, soothing, laughter, hope.
You might find that you get alot of these needs addressed when she tells you about all the mundane details of daily life.

Couple points:
1. Don't try to 'fix' stuff if you can't or she doesn't need you to. If you think she needs it - ask, "Honey, do you need some help with that?"
2. Try to have something to end your conversations with that inspires hope - plans for the future, tender words of love, jokes. Leave feeling like talking to you is something she'll be looking forward to next time.

Stay safe out there...
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Location: Canada

Re: Im a marine in afghanistan my wife is at home

Postby crazylove » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:20 pm

First let me thank you for your service, secondly know that you are not the only one that is going through this, many couples currently suffer from communication problems especially long distance relationships as well as in your case a soldier in Afghanistan in fact I when through this myself, following this steps can help your relationship as well as it helped mine.

According to my phycology professor “Poor communication is a major cause of breakups”. You mention that it seems as if your wife is not excited to hear from you, you also mention that when you ask her she puzzled why you would even ask that, what I would recommend you to do next time you get a chance to call her is to remind her how much you love her and how happy you are to be able to call her your wife, just a simple remainder of your love for her can put a smiled on her face.

Remember that you being in Afghanistan far away from her is not only difficult for you is also very difficult for her, whenever you get a chance to talk to her ask her questions about her life and how she is doing, tell her how you’re doing, make her see that your relationship with her is important to you and that you will do anything in your power to make the relationship work.
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Re: Im a marine in afghanistan my wife is at home

Postby psychstudent » Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:45 pm

I’m sorry to hear that you are having a tough time in your relationship. I can’t even imagine how stressful and difficult it must be for you to be having these problems when you are so far away from home. Long distance relationships are tough. I’m also in a long distance relationship and found it much harder than I had anticipated. When my boyfriend has called me I’ve done the same thing your wife is doing. As excited as I am that he’s calling and as much as I love him I feel “blah”. Perhaps it’s just because I’m in a bad mood and not having him here to make me feel better makes me angry or upset. I think sometimes I take my stresses from home out on him because he’s not here. It’s nothing personal and it’s not even a conscious thing that I do. When he asks me what's wrong or if i'm unhappy I truthfully tell him I don't know and sometimes become defensive as to why he would think I'm unhappy. My professor has said that good communication is a vital part of relationships. Men and women differ in verbal cues so maybe something that you are taking as unhappiness is just another way for her to express something to you. Dr. Haltzman says to use the communication skills you have to ask questions, and reflect upon what you hear. Ask your wife directly what is bothering her and work to solve the problem. I understand it will be much harder for you to work this out because restrictions regarding the amount of time you have and the distance between you. Dr. Haltzman also tells husbands to aim to please their wives. I’m not sure of the abilities you have to do these things but maybe send her a bouquet of flowers from a florist over the internet, or simply write her a letter each week. Make sure she knows that no matter how far away you are, you’re thinking of her and want to make her happy. Remember that she is probably struggling to maintain her life without you there. Everything that was once normal isn’t anymore and she’s had to find ways to compensate for your absence. Just try to communicate with her as much as possible and make sure she knows you care and how much you love her. Get down to the problem and work to fix it. We all appreciate what you’re doing for the US so thank you for sacrificing what you are for our country. I wish you all the luck in the world!
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Re: Im a marine in afghanistan my wife is at home

Postby spunky92 » Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:29 pm


First off let me start by saying thank you sir for bravely serving our country. So you are saying that when you call home to your wife, she is neither happy nor excited to hear from you even though communication can be hard at times correct? I had a few questions that can maybe help get a better opinion or even just give others a background a little bit. Do you guys have any children together? How long have you been in a relationship together (dating and married)? How long have you known each other? Has there been any type of issues in the past? Did you just join the military or did you meet after you were a marine? Have you been overseas long or have you done other tours overseas? And last do you guys only communicate over the phone and how often?

Communication can be the best tool in a relationship. With you being overseas she could be feeling overwhelmed and some people will even tell you maybe she is “falling out of love”. I have learned from many friends that military wives don’t all take tours well. "Research shows us we can learn to love our partners again after we think we've fallen out of love. And that couples that stick it out end up being happy in the long run," says Dr. Scott Haltzman. Although some people might say she has, I would not. The reason people would say this is because sometimes she isn’t happy to hear from you and gets puzzled if you ask if she likes to hear from you. Most military wives would be ecstatic if their husbands were to contact them especially overseas. Even though I have heard this term many of times from those in the military I would say that she might be frustrated more than anything and not “falling out of love”. The reason I say this is because depending on the questions I asked earlier she could be very stressed out and very frustrated.
The reason I bring up this topic is because I realized that the people I have heard this from are mostly guys. There is actually a study that I found on Dr. Haltzman’s face book page stating that men have twice as much difficulty reading women emotion than they do reading men’s emotions. So I wouldn’t really count on that opinion too much. The reason I chose to do this piece of advice is because no one knows your wife better than yourself. There was something that tied you both together in the first place. Something made you both fall in love and that factor will never change even if you fight, drift apart, or even if you are oceans apart.
The advice I would give you to try to solve the issue is to try to open up communication more. Maybe even if you set “dates” for phone calls or even Skype. If you can maybe emails as much as possible or even write back and forth. Even before you talk on the phone think of things you both want to talk about. I know and I understand from experience that long distance relationships are not easy especially ones where your loved ones are overseas. I think if you talk to her see if something is bothering her if she is stressed or overwhelmed. It can be hard on a woman when the man she loves is not by her side every day. Also maybe see if she can be good friends with another military wife so the tours will be a little bit easier with someone to talk to. I am a woman speaking from experience; I dated a marine and someone in the navy. It is hard to see someone you care about gets deployed and you can barley speak to them. It can be very frustrating but it will all work out. Just make sure you tell her how much you love and miss her and if you do have kids tell her how much you appreciate her as well.

~Hope all goes well and thank you again for serving our country~
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