she hates and resents everything I do.
I went on a business trip, and my flight back got overbooked. it was a shitty trip and I just wanted to go home. I called her and told her I was trying to work it out, but even now she believes I was just trying to leave her stuck with the kids, in her words.
she wants this new house that we can't afford, in a location far from work, with neighbors I won't like. she tells me "you won't be able to work on your motorcycle here, these neighbors won't put up with it."
everything I ever liked to do has been whittled away. she tries to use shame on me as a weapon - "responsible adults don't do those things."
we have kids. I love them so much. she tells me if I really loved her and the kids I wouldn't care about the things I like, the things I feel are a part of me. is it wrong to want something for myself?
I've seen my friends once in 3 years.
when I try to discuss how she makes me feel she just says "we should just cut our losses and end it."
in 7 years she's apologized to me 5 times. she had a brief (non-sexual, I think) relationship with someone. when I called her out on it she accused me of invading her privacy. she's never really apologized for it.
i've made many mistakes. i've lied to her several times, usually to try to avoid fights but I'm lousy at it and she always catches me in it. I don't feel like i can be honest with her because it just gives her weapons against me.
I looked at porn, which she said was cheating on her. never mind the fact that the sex dried up as soon as we got married.
she tells me I don't know anything about doing handy work around the house - hard to learn when your mistakes are blown up as the worst thing some idiot's ever done.
i finally said that I wasn't going along with this new house plan. we can't afford it, we have too much debt, and I don't actually want snooty neighbors. I said why isn't this what *we* want? she said, I don't want what you want.
she hates every job I've ever had. "why aren't you looking for a different job?" never mind that I now hate a career I used to love - hard to like what isn't appreciated.
she's hardworking. she loves our kids. she's organized. she's good-looking. I've never lived in a cleaner house. and after all this, I still feel like my heart is tearing out.
I don't know what to do.