Obvious first post and I'll try to make it brief.
I met a woman whose child goes to the same school as my daughter. I noticed her right away and found her attractive even though she isn't my typical type.
During my daughter's kindergarten year, I'd see this woman, wild hair, purple streak, tattoos, ears completely pierced and a lip piercing. She'd sit at one end of the lobby and I'd stand at the other. I'd glance her way and never saw her look at me. I later found out her daughter and my daughter were best friends that year, and into the oncoming year.
During the beginning of the first grade year (last year), we talked a bit, began setting up play dates for the girls, and texting became more normal. We hung out as couples, met a few times a month, and I couldn't take my eyes off her body as she loved to work out and I am an avid bodybuilder. My wife, at the time, let herself go somewhat and it is absolutely no excuse for me to do what I did...but it's done and now I'm relaying it.
In March of this year, it became known that she found me attractive and I let her know I felt the same. We agreed to meet and she said, "let's have fun with this and see where it goes." Great, I thought, I've been married for 14 years, and I've been curious about other women, perfect..... The next thing the other woman said was, "I promise you, I'm not crazy. I won't show up on your doorstep screaming and yelling." I should have run at this statement but I plead ignorance.
So it started up, and everything was wow, it felt right, we would go out on mini dates during the day and I felt like a kid again, we both acknowledged the newness factor and a few weeks in, she told me she was falling for me but that I didn't have to say anything back to her. That opened the flood gates, and I fell hard for her...deeply, or maybe it was infatuation.
We talked of leaving our spouses all the time but she threw out another warning sign I ignored. She said that while she was in love with me, that we had a connection she had never had, she still loved her husband and wasn't ready to leave him....not yet. So I stupidly kept on, sneaking around to see her, and her sneaking around to see me.
Three months later, we were busted, my wife found out, and I admitted to being in love with our "friend". My wife was devastated, I saw her pain but closed myself off to it. I felt distraught and mad that I lost my girlfriend but also because I was going to lose my family ...my daughter...who is my world.
Now, the other woman's husband doesn't know, my wife chose not to say anything but during that time, we still talked for a bit, we talked about letting things cool down and being more careful and selective on how we meet. Then she texted me saying she couldn't do it anymore, her feelings of guilt were too great, even though she said she wanted an open marriage (when I asked her why she hit on me in the beginning). Then I was flooded with texts saying she couldnt stop seeing me, she loved me, and needed to see me once more. Then she would tell me that her husband was trying to do better (men just don't change that easily, this I know), and in the next text she would tell me that she lied, things weren't really much better. She said she had to try and make her marriage work so that she knew if it didn't she had given it her all. She even said that was what the summer was for, for us to work on our relationships.
The yo yo'ing went on for a bit, then I got hit with no contact and I felt horrible, I had no closure, I wanted to know if I was a game (yes I became the woman), if she truly loved me, or was it just the excitement of the affair.
I contacted her and she told me she was happy to hear from me and then a few minutes later, bit my head off. This happened a couple of times and then all contact ceased. I was horribly distraught and sought a therapist, both for my own needs and to save my marriage as my wife was/is willing.
The problem is, I can't stop thinking about her, knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen, even though I love my wife and want us to work, this other woman really made a profound impact on me and the way she ended things is probably more the issue than anything else. In fact,she once told me that she envisioned seeing me at the school once again and all the emotions she once felt would come "rushing back." I don't know if she's foreshadowing or what.
Fast forward to very recent, we had a bit of contact and she tried to get me to meet her at the store (a place we would meet at quite a bit) and I ignored it. We later spoke briefly on the phone where I was semi cold and she said it was good to hear my voice and she missed it, would play video on her phone sometimes just to hear my voice. When I asked her if she "reconnected" with her husband, she said "honestly, yes." I don't believe it for a second, as she once said she would never have the connection with him as she did with me and once again, men just don't change that quickly much less at all.
We both went out of town with our families not too long ago, and she initiated some contact, a "good morning" and whatnot and another saying it was beautiful where she was (in Austin) and she didn't want to come back. I responded with a one word answer as my therapist recommended I don't even respond and then several days later, I knew she was supposed to come home so I sent her a text saying "back?" Her response was "stalker, much?"
I went thru the roof! Livid! After all she and I went thru, shared with each other, a simple question to see that she made it home safe and I'm a stalker?!? So there it is, it's been weeks and no contact, none by her and none by me...yet I wish she would.....stupid I know.
She even told a mutual friend that she stopped talking to us because "things got uncomfortable" between all of us which makes me think that she's lying about her husband realizing she was slipping away from him and probably told him I hit on her and she had to end our friendship.
My biggest issue is, why has she turned on me like this, hell, she even said she hated my wife....the one true innocent party in all this. Some have said it's easier to turn to hating me rather than face her true feelings, but I understand women less than I ever have.
No, I will not rekindle the affair, even if she tries, I want my marriage to work, but I invested a large part of myself in the other woman and this all happened or ended in mid June so it is rather fresh. I'm at a loss as to her behavior and if I run into her at the school, should I be worried that she will try and re-establish a connection as my wife thinks she will?