by ThunderHorse » Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:35 am
180 Degree Divorce Busters can help you keep your sanity. Just change things for the sake of change, to demonstrate that you can change. A common basis for marital problems and divrce, is the belief by one spouse, that their cannot and will not change, in ways to please them. Then they give up on the marriage
Dr. Haltzman has expressed the idea that trying to go too far with foreplay, when you are working on serious problems in your marriage, can be a mistake. I don't know what stages you are receiveing STOP signals, but I do recommend backing off quickly, immediately, if there are signals of non-receptivity.
Some of my best marital sex has come after intense arguments, but I do not recommend starting arguments. I still try to encourage venting from my wife, even when she is intense, and focused on me. I often have to reapproach, after letting 3 to 7 minutes time have passed.
You have not revealed whether a 3 second caress for her back is meeting with signals of britstling.
It is important to recognize if your wife is a serial abuser, because ordinarily, it is good to listen to your wife's complaints as requests for change. The verbally abusive spouse, is often not giving true complaints, but rather is just making hurtful comments. So the selction of how to upset you, may have nothing to do, with what she really wants changed. So before making a change. based on what a serial verbally abusive spouse has said, it is necessary to figure out if what was said, was just for effect (Getting you upset).
I have failed to get you to verbalize the concept of your power to select an optimal attitude for expressing your ideas which are generating feelings of upset or anger. The Boring Baroque Response, sing-song ideas in boredon, have been difficult for me to practice, becase I am not naturally bored; I constanly find intersting things to think about. When your wife talks about her affair in AZ, some prhases might be, "I'd rather we talk about someting else, because I feel hurt when that subject comes to mind, so I would rather put that situation behind me, as I would put any love making before we were married, and I would like for us to try to be good role models for our daughter's moral thionking" etc etc... you cannot control the feelings that come up in your experiences, but it is a choice in selecting the attitude, or mind set, with which you respond, or present your ideas.
A No Contact letter from your wife to the AZ Guy could read, "I am trying to work on my marriage for the sake of my 7 year Old Daughter. If I have hurt you I appologize. But I ask that you not contact me, and understand that I will not be contacting you, so that I can keep things from getting out of hand, and otherwise better resist temptation."
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