by sl1fer » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:00 pm
Hi Jill,
You have been with your husband for 3 years and he "has a bad temper." He usually lets things build up and lose it on something small. Afterwards,he usually apologizes because he recognized that it was uncalled for. You want to prevent situation like these from happening. What's his ethnic background? How often does he "lose it"?
There are two theories that I want to discuss. If my assumption of his ethnic background is from a different culture from yours, this theory would be the "Cross-Cultural Perspective." From my notes in Psychology Class, this is basically the study of psychological differences among people living in different cultural groups. Another theory that can help benefit you is called "Operant Conditioning." Operant Conditioning means a voluntary response that acts on the environment to produce consequences. According to Operant Conditioning, there's a reinforcement. Reinforcement is the occurrence of a stimulus following a response that increases the likelihood of the response being repeated.
If your husband is from a different cultural background, it is a POSSIBILITY that this is their norm. Perhaps, in his culture, it is okay for him to keep things to himself and let it all go when it is too much.
If you want to prevent these situations from happening, you can listen to your husband which, in turn, he shares what he is building up thus decreasing his state of being in a bad temper. The Operant and the reinforcement is you listening. Your reward for doing so is him being less likely to lash out his anger at you. This can also build a trust bond between you and your husband.