We've been married for 10 years. We recently had two kids back to back. One is 28 months and the other is 8 months. I stay at home with them both. Since having the kids we have problems with our communication and have become really disconnected.
I've read [i]Secrets of Happily Married Women[/i] and I bought him the Men version but he won't read it. I didn't push the issue at all. I ordered them both at the same time and he knew I read mine and I just left his on the kitchen table for 2 weeks then put it away. I've also read [i]How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About it[/i].
I'm working my best to implement everything that I've learned in the two books. I also have a degree in Sociology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family, so am completely taken aback that we have so many communication problems.
He says I argue all the time. I have a very passive/submissive personality and marriage style. I'm very traditional and feel my calling is to raise the kids and tend to the home, which he also agree with. But, every time we talk he says I argue and feels that I devalue his opinion. A lot of this is stemming from his new job which he took right when I had our first baby. He says at work people treat him like he's stupid (my husband is brilliant, very gifted at what he does). So, while I've always thought and still do that he's quite intelligent, I think he feels that I'm treating him the same way people at his work do even though I'm not.
I hate fighting. I tend to give up fast just to avoid a fight. Sometimes he'll continue to fight even though I'm just listening and I end up standing there calmly while he just yells at me.
He seems to take everything I say wrong. I've begun censoring everything I say before I say it, which just makes him madder because I don't answer right away (I run every possible scenario through my head before speaking, but still end up saying things that anger him).
My entire goal is to just be a good wife and mom. I tend to the family with little to no time for myself without complaint. I really am at a loss as to how to reconnect with him and communicate without him viewing it as an argument. I feel like not talking at all and just nodding and replying "ok" all the time, but that's what I did before reading [i]How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About it[/i] and it just seem to further our disconnection.
Any advice would be much appreciated.