Nadia wrote:Hello
My husband is only 40 yrs old and is suffering from erectile dysfunction. He has been turning to porn because he says he does not feel the pressure to perform in front of me. I told him i dont want to put pressure on him and that we can try new things and take our time when we are intimate, and that it does not have to include intercourse. He still watches porn regurlarly, something he did not do when we first got married and he did not have erectile dysfunction at that time.. I feel rejected and undesired. I also feel guilty, because i know part of the reason is his stress to perform in front of me... I dont know how else i can help him and us... We have two young children of 16 months and two months... But we can always have some time for ourselves...Any advice?
How can you start?
Maybe set aside a marital bedroom date, with porn off before bed time, and some bedroom time before going to sleep, on a certain planned day?
Many men are morning lovers. There is a term Morning Erection. Any way to become more available when your husband is waking up in the morning.
Is birth control an issue?
Is there a step to take to cut porn out for certain time periods of the day? If you can delay lighting up a cigarette for 5 minutes, they say you can stop smoking.
Since you, and many women, would like to feel attractive, it is difficult to ask your husband to cut back on porn, because that is like persuading him that you are attractive.
Are there any ways in which porn is creating other difficulties?
Have you read up on acupressure for lovers? Your husband may be unaware of how much pleasure he can create, even when soft.
There are various ways to define porn addiction. Does your husband want to stop watching porn? Do you feel that your husband is becoming less functional, and that porn is increasingly taking over? What support people can you rely upon, who can assist you with your children, if you need to make a stand? Have you been making the extra effort to keep on good terms with your family? His family?
Porn is usually not a badge of pride. Is your husband counting on you to keep his porn viewing secret from some people?
If you are no longer pressuring your husband to perform, I don't see why you should feel guilty for the past; or for occasional slips in the future. Maybe discuss, and agree, on some realistic objectives for marital relations, with erectile dysfunction, so a sense of fulfillment can be achieved.
In what ways can you boost your husband's Ego? Give him credit for his efforts at work, sports, keeping u with the news, voting, hobbies, yard work, car repairs, etc. THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED WOMEN book Chapter 1 is Know Your Husband, and Chapter 2 is Nurture His Needs and Yours. How can you give your husband more recognition? Maximize what you have to trade, for his cutting back on porn.
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