Lonely Canuck wrote:For quite a while I was under the impression that my wife was always right - she certainly spoke with authority! - and I deferred to that. I am now seeing what damage my actions have caused me and our relationship. whome is correct, in that a sick parent/child relationship developed. I got some payoffs to be sure to maintain it - being taken care of, not having to think etc, but it deprived both of us of too much. Now here we are, with many wasted years, and wondering how we can make it better.
I believe that any relationship requires mutual respect at its core - and that respect needs to be shown on a daily basis.
Anonymous wrote:whome:
Actually the progressive left favors criticizing the hell out of their leaders. Go to a right-wing forum and you're kicked out for questioning dear leader. Go to left-wing forum and you're mocked (though not usually booted) for NOT questioning, well, whoever they're talking about at the time. (Examples are the Free Republic forum and Mike Malloy forums for the right and left wing, respectively.)
That being said, this isn't a political forum so I'll end the side-tracked bit here.
Anonymous wrote:I think it is true that a relationship should be built on mutual respect. Simply caving in all the time, even when I'm factually right, would frustrate the hell out of me to the point of insanity. I'm willing to admit fault when I'm wrong, as if I don't then I don't learn anything. If it's a gray area I'm usually open to being swayed and will be happy to listen to counter-arguments. But if there's a blue car across the street and I say "that car is blue" and she says "no it's red", I'm going to stick to my argument, and I'd expect her to admit fault when she's wrong as well. That's part of, you know, working together to overcome things. Stubbornly holding onto something when you know you're wrong gets you no where.
Tom C. wrote:Remember one thing. The women is ultimately always right, no matter
how many facts one can place in front of her. Facts are not
relevant. It's her "feelings" that rule her every thought and
action.
Deal with it or don’t get married. (Tom C., 40, married 14 years)
ThunderHorse wrote:Dear Debs Brett,
I feel compelled to welcome you to the forum. I have not read many posts, but yours is the first woman I have read here.
My personal style of posting about problems is to usually ask questions, that will hopefully lead you to answers, or better questions.
Questions are important, according to Tony Robbins, self-help Guru, because the help us focus our thougths and effrots.
I recently searched E-bay for parenting videos. I found some used videos cheap. I have had discussions with my daughter, on strategies for her children. I am intending to watch some more with my wife, so we can better agree on some of our approaches to our challenges. My wife and I took three parenting courses over the years, and the courses helped our marriage.
If you think your husband has poor parenting skills, the question could be: What are the options for improving parenting skills for Husband? What is the least expensive option? What is the easiest option for our time considerations?
Do you have a format for sitting down to discuss differences? I sometimes take my wife out to lunch.
Are there details about the budget sharing arrangement that you would like to change?
If you and your Husband are not agreeing on parenting issues at 6, what is going to happen at 12, 15 and 17? This is a better time to get a better parenting partnership going.
You have mentioned a number of aspects in which your Husband appears wrong. I love to make other people look wrong. However, a marriage and a job need cooperation, beyond criticizing. I try to discipline myself by being alert for my personal attitudes that make others look wrong. It is also called oppositional or rebelious thinking.
It is a good rule for me to always take the approach, at first, that my wife is right. I approach my wife in a problem solving manner, if I think, upon reflection, that she is wrong. I avoid brining up issues of disagreement that are unimportant. I try to give her a way out, to save face, and not appear foolish. My latest endeavor is to try to improve my male flirting skills, to actaully be enchanting about winning.
I'll check back, if you want to fishbone, which I guess means brainstorming
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