I have always been an extremely sexually driven women and when I started dating my spouse we were extremely sexual.
However after we bought our house together my mother became very ill, I spent many hours at the hospital and taking care of my father. I also had a young son (from a previous relationship) and was looking for work. I finally got a job and my mother started to get better (it was short lived unfortunately however).
I realized we had not had a lot of intamacy however with the hours I was putting in I just didn't have it in me, plus it seemed every time we tried the phone would ring and I would be off to the hopital again. All of a sudden after a fight one night he said about splitting up, I felt this came out of nowhere and was frightened. So I began doing all the little things we used to do and spent more time at home.
After a few weeks of this we were back to having sex multiple times a day and snuggling and wanting to be together. Then he just left.
I fought hard to get him back and after 9 months apart we got back together, unfortunately I had busted him in several lies in that period and asked him if there was anything else I should know, he said there wasn't, and I said "ok, because I couldn't handle anything more".
Well 3 months into our new relationship (with a good sexual connection and emotional relationship) I found out about his affair while we were together. I also found out the things he had said and done RIGHT before and after having sex with me, even to the point of letting this women talk to my son.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown and being taken off work, I was down to 88 pounds. My mother had remained in the hospital for almost 2 years at this point, I had been laid off from work 2 weeks before she went into the hospital and this just put me over the top.
Well I was about to end it as the connection and trust was gone, however I found out I was now pregnant.
Well that child is 2 now and we have had sex maybe 3 times in the last year and a half (and it wasn't anything exciting) and have maybe french kisses twice (in one night). I don't even really want him to hug me and don't even like to kiss him. I am extremely sexually frustrated and would love to feel that spark again, I just don't have the connection with him. I also think it hurts because when we met I had no attraction to him, I only became attracted as I grew to know him and I feel in love with his honesty, compasion and the way he was there for me. The men I dated while we were apart were more "manly" men.
We did try counselling but due to my breakdown we were told they wouldn't do couple counselling until I was in a better state of mind. Well for the most part I am, however much of my bitterness, anger and such has to do with him.
He has moved out a few times since we have been back together (my doing) but my son missed him so I let him come back.
But now I feel it has been 3 years and nothing has changed, what can I do???