Is it Her or Me? I Need Advice BAD!!!

Is it Her or Me? I Need Advice BAD!!!

Postby Dazed&Confused » Fri May 20, 2011 11:47 am

We've been married for 11 years and have two beautiful daughters together and I have a son from a previous marriage. That marriage ended do to my military obligations and being very young.
When we first got married we were on an even financial status and loved the heck out of each other...never apart, always in the bedroom or partying together. 3 years into our marriage her career took off, she landed a great paying job with a prominent car company working in finance. This allowed her to have the car of her dreams, shop uncontrollable and entertain her friends as much as she wanted too. I myself was still trying to grow in my company making about average. I was eventually laid off but as the man of the house I began working to provide at any and every job I could take thru agencies. She started hanging out more with her friends the I love you calls stopped and she I noticed a distance being formed. That lasted until I landed a job with potential at a well established bank. Things went back to like the beginning...then 6 years later the bank laid me off and all hell broke loose. We had only been in our new home for 8 months!!! I struggled to find work hardcore! She stopped everything...cooking, sex, talking, etc...then i found out her an some of her friends planned a trio to NY and I was confused because we werefinancially strapped to the bone...barely had enough for gas to look for a job. She eventually left me and our girls to feind for ourselves while she ran off to NY with friends. While she was gone for a week i didnt have money for anything so i walked my girls to school and my parents filled our frig with food. While in NY to make a long story short my wife had an affair. Upon her return I confronted her and she didnt deny anything but did not want to go into detail, i left it alone and fought back anger resentment and hate....trying hard to forget!!! things were cool for about two weeks...now during these times my wife was in control of all finances she would get my unemployment check and supposedly pay bills the best she could. while laid off for a year and a half she wasnt paying our house note and we eventually lost the house which i was blamed for. we moved into an apartment and within 2 months another trip by her and her friends was planned to Atlanta...me and the girls were left to survive again this time we were dead broke or should i say i was dead broke. i was to embarrassed to ask family and friends for help so i had a yard sale and sold all of my valuables. i also pawned our girls xbox and one of our 42" tvs. when she returned from her great time she was heated i was called every name in the book and belittled to no end for about a month. i blamed myself and thought i deserved it because the man is supposed to provide and I wasnt doing that!!! this contiued and she refused to give me gas money or anything. so i kept doing what i thought was right no matter i figured we would work it out....so in the next years i did things im not proud of to help keep food and utilities going. i pawned things i sold things i did whatever it took in my eyes but she didnt see it that way. To her i was a thief and a liar and according to her i still am. she states that i leave her to come up with all the solutions to our troubles, but it doesnt stop her from shopping at Macys, buying shoes and purses, ordering cameras and electronics online or hanging out with her so-called friends twoo of which ive found out to be single males and according to one email/text,"he loves spending tme with my wife". if i confront her about issues i dont agree with she turns on me and throws my inconsistant employment, lack of being a provider and how im a thief for pawning items....now i dont do drugs never had an affair never hit her and havent bought anything new at all for myself for over 5 years. every penny i make goes to my kid and household but she doesnt respect me...the last 4 months has been hell she doesnt talk to me unless it concerns paying a bill she staes she cant stand to see my face and she goes and comes as she pleases. i asked her did she want me to leave and she replied YES but leave the car keyes the car and all the house keyes all of which is oin her name...i refused! i go to work and come home to my girls my son is in college whom i cant help one iota because again every penny i mean every penny goes to paying bills. ive given up my desire to paint (my dream job) i dont read or watch tv and im not close t the socialable man i was...my brothers invited me to there home out of state to get me away for a 4 days i didnt pay for the flight or anything once i was there but she said it was irresponsible for me to go and i was a sorry excuse for a man! im so screwed up on how to handle this, should i continue taking this or move on...i love my girls dearly and it hurts to know that i wont probably be able to watch them grow on a daily basis as i love to do so much and it hurts that my wife could say the things she has said and do things that are so disrespectful its painful to think about them as i type this. my credit wasnt great but now its destroyed because she filed bankruptcy and i didnt know it the money i make and living in cali is nothing and without transportaion im as good as nothing. my parents are retired and enjoying themselves i dont want to be their burden so i refuse to go leave with them and bring my baggage my girls are confused as to why mommy doesnt talk to daddy and why dad sleeps on the couch especially my 9 yr old. my 12yr old kinda knows whats up and my son looks at it like why is it okay for the man to be the breadwinner and do everything for his fam but when its the woman she becomes a power driven egotistical selfish person!!! hes seen this happen to me and my younger brother whom his wife left him while he was in Iraq for a nba player. this is so hard to wake up too every single morning!!! Please help me if im wrong let me know or help with some possible solutions oh and by the way we tried therapy but as soon as th therapist began addressing issues regarding her she abuptly quit going!!!
Dazed&Confused
 
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Postby ThunderHorse » Sat May 21, 2011 6:31 am

Search Listening this Forum


Can you continue therapy, by yourself, to improve your listening skills?



Details on transporation options? Needs? Public transporation?


Can you borrow a car from your parents?




//
ThunderHorse
 
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Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat May 21, 2011 10:34 am

What phrases can you use to ask for more respect, on the next occasion when your wife speaks to you disrepsectfully?

Search Suzetter Elgin and the boring baroqu Response.

What are your current problems? I am confused with past problems, and today.

What issue can you take a more assertive position, that is important for your self-respect, and take steps toward implimentation of your asserting authority over money or keys, etc? What mecanical steps can you take to have a measure of countrol and authomomy, on issues you feel are impoaretant? How would you respond to your wife's objections? What are teh limits of your legal rights in your jurisdiction on keys and money?
ThunderHorse
 
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Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat May 21, 2011 5:09 pm

Do you have a job now? Can you get to work OK?

Can you start a savings account, so that if you get laid off again, that you will have some savings to tide you over a period of reduced income?

Your children's opinions can be important to your wife, both now and in the furure. You might dicsuss things with your wife, in terms of your both haveing positive regard from your children, as they grow older.
ThunderHorse
 
Posts: 636
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm


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