by elizacol » Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:25 pm
You know what? The feeling of 'needing' to check is normal!!! She broke your trust, so OF COURSE you don't trust her. That is a natural consequence.
And honestly, she should do everything she can right now to be transparent....allow you to check because right now, you need the reassurance and she needs to do whatever she can to give it to you.
That 'need' will end, it really will. I haven't felt the need to check my H's phone or e-mail for a couple of months now. It is actually a good feeling!
He let me check his phone once he truly WAS done communicating w/his 'friend'. Up until that point, even when he 'said' he wasn't communicating w/her, he wouldn't let me check his phone. THAT was a big clue that he was hiding something from me.
Once he stopped communicating w/her, he had nothing to hide, so of course he was going to let me check his phone. So, she should be open to letting you check, unless she has something to hide or is not truly at the point where she is ready to do what SHE needs to do to make amends w/you.
Just keep in the back of your mind that the feelings will end, eventually.
Take the baby steps right now. Keep the communication open, show love towards each other, etc.
You have a long road ahead of you. Just take 1 day at a time.