by ThunderHorse » Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:00 pm
The Boring Baroque Response is valuable because it provides a means of commanding respect, without giving a reward for your wife for bad mouthing you.
What unintentional rewards are your providing to your wife for her putting you down?
Your tone of posting here is frustrated, exacerbated and upset.
If you are allowing your feelings of consternation to show in response to your wife's criticisms, you may be unintentionally rewarding her verbal abuse.
Suzette Elgin explains how consternation serves as a reward to verbal abusers, especially in her book, YOU CAN'T SAY THA TO ME. The Verbal abuse thread is referenced above.
So I suggest your first step is to identify your rewards for her verbal abuse.
Let me congratulate you on getting her to talk about her frustrations for 30 Minutes. That's Great.
Now, let us think about how you might introduce JOY into your marriage.
You have not revealed much about sex, but just because you are fighting, does not ben there cannot be great sex.
But Aviance and atmosphere can be developed more superficially. How about after you do some tasks around the house, you mention to your wife, I washed the dishes, and helped the kids with their homework, and took out the trash, how about a kiss on the cheek?
So what if you get rejected the first ten times? If done with Joy, it creates Love in the house.
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