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Providence462 · Joined: 15 Jun 2010 Posts: 2

I honestly can't believe it. My wife and I went to marriage counseling a week ago and then decided to go for a second session. During the session the marriage counselor informed us that he thinks the marriage is over (and, that, he thinks it would be a good idea if we came back for sessions some time later to talk about what we liked about the relationship but not to re-couple). There is no physical abuse, additiction, or infidelity in our relationship, but we do have issues.

The main issue is that my wife told me that she loves me but she is not in love with me and she is not sure if the feelings can come back. We went into marriage counseling asking the therapist if we can find a way to reconnect. In our second session the therapist thought that my wife doesn't really seem to want to do the work. My wife said that a big part of her wants to work but a big part of her doesn't. The therapist basically said we have no hope rather than trying to help my wife and I see if there is anything that we can build on to try to reconnect. A big problem my wife has is the fact that we could go through therapy and put the work in, but her feelings might not come back. I think that at least we would have tried and maybe the work that we do would help us to get past some of the issues that we do have. Isn't that the point of therapy?

I'm currently reading the Secrets of Happily Married Men and I took the cautions about marriage counseling to heart, but I thought in the first session that there was some hope that the therapist might help rather than say it's over after two sessions. I'm just so confused at this point.

Scott Haltzman · Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 123 Location: Barrington, RI

Outrageous! Silver lining: sometimes a therapist can be so off about your ability to heal your marriage, so ignorant of the history that brought you there, and the tribulations you've overcome, that such an thoughtless suggestion can help you to bond together even more--finally there's an enemy more intolerable than your spouse!
What did you wife make of it?
-Scott

Providence462 · Joined: 15 Jun 2010 Posts: 2

ThunderHorse · Joined: 31 Jul 2006 Posts: 306

May have posted one sentence, finger slipped.

Keep listening to your wife, unconditonaly, 15 min a day, and stop going to the therapist.

What bothers you about what your wife talks about?

How she comes home very night, but she is not excitedly in love with you?

So feelings and emontion go through cycles, ups an dwns, hills and valleys, so mariage is about trying to get things back injto euphoria, but relaizing that is nto a constant.

..