Handling Make-Wrong Concepts

Handling Make-Wrong Concepts

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Feb 28, 2010 6:36 am

When my wife talks about some issues, such as my earning power or religion, I sometimes get the feeling that she is asking me to change, and that I am in some way Wrong for my opinions, beliefs or decisions.

Sometimes I will argue back, feeling unjustly attacked, or I will try to change the subject from what she wants to talk about. I started a thread on how to change the subject, partly as a strategy to handle make-wrong concepts from my wife.

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=435

Another way to handle the Make-Wrong ideas my wife is expressing, for which I feel she is unfairly asking me to change, or unjustly accept blame, might be to use some active listening about the issue, to let her think through the issues she is raising.

One job as a husband that my wife appreciates is that I wil often listen to a wide range of ideas from my wife. So the more ideas I can include, the stronger I am building my marriage. That is Chapter 4, I believe, in THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN.

One strategy to avoid my feelings getting hurt by my wife's discussing an issue in a make-wrong manner, could be to use some active listening questions, like:

You feel that my decisions on _____ could be changed to have _____________ results?

You feel that my beliefs about __________ have the disadvantage of ____________?

You feel that my opinion about ___________ fails to consider the important factors of ___________?

There are probably some other people you know who share your opinon that _____________ is good or bad, what else do they say about their perspectives? What else do you know about the basis for their opinions?

Another strategy might be to suggest that my wife can feel good about herself, without running me down. So finding self-esteem compliments for her, might be a path to recuce her focus on making me wrong.

You have made many wise decsions about handling the work at your job, and you wisdom in making good decisions is well established.

You have demonstrated many instances of caring in helping our children, and their bond to you is strong, as a result of your devotion.

Another option is to use kindly, Blithering, Gibberish, as suggested in the Suzette Elgin books.

Posts: 636
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm

Return to Communication

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests