Postby midge » Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:28 am

nine month ago I had an affair. My husband talked so much about morals and God and he forgave me. Then a couple of weeks ago I found out he was looking at porn and deleting his browsing history. I found 3 different folders with save pictures from these sights. I recently graduated college and have many girls from school on fb and one of the folders had pictures of some of these girls in their bikinis. I feel like this is just as much an affair of the mind as mine was of the body. Would like some feedback on this. One more note, he's been having trouble with ED and looking on line it says it can be caused from viewing porn.
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Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:21 am

Re: confused

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Oct 13, 2012 2:40 pm

Many women are unsympathetic to the male drive for visual gratification.

Your post does not make it clear what type of porn your husband is viewing.

Some internet porn can be viewed without having contact with the woman in the picture.

So if your husband is just viewing photos, without contacting the models, then the degree of an EA Emotional affair would be minimal.

Men often view porn discretely and secretly. For the honor of your family, you might want to be discree about which of your women friends you dicsuss porn.

Many women will tell you many bad things about porn. Some women have unpleasant experieinces, which they truly feel were atrtibutable to porn.

Women and men are wired differently when it comes to porn. Most men can view porn without ill effects on women around them.

There is a growing industry of live women available for internet viewing from their bedrooms. There is a more significant chance of an EA with direct phone and visusal contact.

Many women do not understand the visual drive for men. There are many opportunities for many women to come to bed topless, that are missde, but could be step to satiating the male drive for visual eye candy.

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Re: confused

Postby blonde93088 » Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:12 am

I am new here and have been reading some posts.
My husband cheated a year ago. We are still working through a lot. Porn is one of our problems.
I do not agree with the "men are visual" theory. There's a lot of info out there to prove the opposite. We are all visual creatures, men a little more. We are taught it is acceptable for men to do this and to just laugh it off. I'm going to stop there.
I do think it is a concern for you. It doesn't matter what kind of porn he is looking at.
He is hiding it from you. That right there is a red flag. I've gone through this with my husband. Even women who are ok with their husbands looking at porn are surprised to find out how much they watch without their knowledge. Porn creates secrecy and lies.
It eventually (in my case) took over my marriage. My husband eventually preffered porn over real intimacy. It does become a form of betrayal as it escalates. Porn has become more of a problem since the internet and how readily available it is. I have read so many books on this while working on my marriage.
He's looking at photos of your friends on facebook? An even bigger red flag. That is not ok and is too close to home. Visual or not. That is crossing a line, real people, real time.....
I would definitely talk to your husband about it and tell him how you honestly feel. Hopefully he respects your feelings enough to stop. It took my husband years and we're still not through it completely.
Good luck :)
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Re: confused

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:10 pm

Dear Blonde 93088,

Thank you for posting another point of view on the visual differences between men and women on Porn.

Congratulations on improving your marriage. Any secrets you can convey to those of us who still struggle?

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